Leading with Steady Presence

Emotional control, approachability, and the underrated skill of steady leadership

It’s easy to admire leaders who bring energy and urgency, but it’s the ones who bring steadiness that people seek out when pressure builds.

We praise vision, intensity, decisiveness, charisma. And those qualities matter, especially in high-growth, high-pressure environments where urgency fuels progress.

But when things get messy, as they often do, teams instinctively look for one thing:

A leader who doesn’t get rattled
A leader who listens more than they react
A leader whose presence feels… steady

The underrated value of low emotionalism

Thurman Sneed joined me on the latest episode of Pillar Talk, and one idea that stuck with me was his take on staying patient when the pressure builds. Your ability to lead effectively in those moments often hinges on being confident in terms of knowing what to do, which leads to calm and patience.

He said that when you consistently show up with confidence, calm, and patience, even without explicitly trying, people naturally start turning to you when things get tough.

Thurman wasn’t talking about having an open-door policy. He was talking about being the person others choose to go to when things feel uncertain.

That doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when you’re known for a level head, a lack of drama, and a consistent tone, especially when stakes are high. In short: a low-emotionalism approach to leadership.

This isn’t the same as being passive. It’s about controlling your emotional output to create psychological safety for others. When your team doesn’t have to manage your emotions, they’re freer to manage their own.

Wooden on Leadership

When I think about emotionalism and its connection to leadership, I think of John Wooden, one of the greatest coaches and leaders of the 20th century. Wooden had a deeply held belief: emotionalism hurts performance.

In Wooden on Leadership, he wrote, “Emotion is good. Emotionalism is dangerous.”

He didn’t want robots, he wanted competitors with poise. He used a term I love “positive aggression”. He wanted players who when they felt the pressure didn’t let it rattle their behavior. Wooden believed that once a leader (or a player) becomes too emotional (too high or too low) they stop thinking clearly. They get distracted by noise, by ego, by the wrong things.

He was building something far more durable than momentum.

He was building steadiness. It worked out, they won a lot of national championships!

My Battle with Emotionalism

I’ve been reflecting lately on how I personally show up as a leader. One thing I’ve noticed: I connect deeply and easily with the people I hold in high regard. With others? It’s a lot harder.

That instinct makes sense, we all gravitate toward people who impress us. But leadership isn’t about showing up for some people. It’s about showing up for everyone.

I’ll never forget the time where an AE on our team lost a key deal and I spent a whole meeting with non-helpful comments like “why didn’t you do this” and “why didn’t you do that”. I made someone who already felt terrible, feel worse. I let the emotion of losing impact my approach and I’ve tried my darndest to be better ever since.

Putting it into Practice

Leadership isn’t about how you act when everything is going well. It’s how you carry yourself when things are uncertain.

Not everyone can be the loudest voice. But everyone remembers the person who made them feel safe, heard, and supported.

That’s what steady presence does.

The best part?

You don’t need to master it overnight.

You just need to commit to showing up better, one interaction at a time.

As for me?

“But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd.” - Jules